I have a confession - my vice is books. Cookbooks, in particular. Perhaps I imagine that if I can conjure anything, through sheer force of will, it is a meal that I can only imagine, according to defined parameters that I long to know the limits of, that would bring me joy. Great Meals in Minutes is my latest mental expedition. It is cold in Washington, and American comfort food is on the menu.
2020 was a hard year. 2021 seems not that much better. I am abandoning positive thoughts and replacing that with action. I am going to cook myself out of this couch-loving, slouching unhappiness with everything in the world. What I love is food, gathering and comparing ingredients, deciding when I don’t give a damn and when I will meticulously follow directions. Act now, and retreat into your hovel of crippling self-doubt and isolation later, I tell myself, as I assemble the mis-en-place and mince ingredients and ignore the needs of small children clawing their way into my consciousness.
Let me tell you what I find dark and dissatisfying. It is when I wake up in the morning and I don’t know what I want to eat today. I would like to be swallowed whole by the dim warmth of my comforter, don’t pull me out of bed because then I will pace aimlessly, waiting for some small human to summon me to do their biding. I am not without skill or education and yet, and yet I exist only at their behest, I am here to give to the best of my abilities, over and over again.
But today, I have uncovered the secret of meatballs. You have to mince and saute some serious aromatics (shallots, onions, garlic, perhaps even mushrooms) until deliciously caramelized, like 5 minutes.. Mix 1 cup of delicious minced sauted aromatics with 1 1/2 cups minced meat (you need some fat, therefore I suggest a 2: 1 ratio of lean beef to pork) with 1 cup breadcumbs, 1/2 cup milk, 1 egg and season as you please. Scoop into 1/2 to 1 tbsp balls, 400 degrees F in an oven for 20-30 minutes, turning once.
Then, Swedish meatball sauce calls for equal portions, melted salted butter and flour, mixed well. Start with 2 tbsp of each (butter + flour = roux), add 1/2 c milk, 1/2 c broth, 1 tbsp Worchestershire sauce, season with salt and pepper. Bring to boil until thickened, and the keep warm.
I like the idea that I can give you the recipe without calling on some arcane knowledge. I like knowing that you can take a meatball, brown it, throw in some Chinese cooking wine, some sweet soy sauce and broth, along with some minced onions, and make something of your own. It reminded me of my mother’s cooking - simple and delicious, sweet and warm. But most of all I like the idea that it is mine, that I may conjure up afternoons of wandering around IKEA as a teenager, dreaming of a house to furnish and a family to contain within it, while eating fried chicken and meatballs. Once upon a time, the idea of happiness seemed like a series of steps. Now it is an act, that today I will love more, today I will try harder, but most of all today will be filled with joy because I choose it. I am better than the sadness that can consume me, and most of all, I can cook my way out of a paper bag and be goddamned proud that I did.